
“My son is a little addicted to alcohol. Other than that, he is a gem of a person. I’m sure when his wife comes, she will set him straight!”
“He’ll settle down once he gets married!”
Does
the above quoted lines sound familiar? Does the heading sound familiar too? If
not, then you’re probably one of those who need a ton of upgradation.
We live in a society which likes to look down upon women, question them at
every step. No matter what you do or how far you go, it will always have some
kind of “constructive” criticism for you. But, when it comes to setting men
straight, in respect to their life or career or any addiction problem, the
society runs straight to women. Why? Because, a woman is the only resort and
she can fix the sons of the society with the use of her magical wand.
A lot of Indian parents believe that marriage would fix all the bad habits of their sons because apparently a woman always has the qualities that can get their sons out of the dark tunnel. There is also the belief that girls are more mature than boys after a certain age. Nobody really knows where all these bizarre facts have come from. But, this is the mentality of half the population irrespective of their societal standards and educational backgrounds. A huge factor that plays a very significant part behind such a mentality are the Indian daily soaps. How many times have you seen a “saanskari bahu” trying to meet the expectations of her in-laws along with her own family? These characters are shown as the typically traditional wives/ women of the family. And what exactly do you mean by “traditional”? Someone who is always dressed up in a shiny saree, hair perfectly done and caters to all the needs of her husband and in-laws religiously, no matter how implausible they are. Someone who tries to get her partner out of the black hole of any kind of addictions or bad habits. Quite funnily, the test of chastity doesn’t end here. You only pass when your partner is completely a new and improved human being with all the bugs fixed! The funnier thing is, in real life, women who do this take a particular pride in saying “I fixed him. I raised him from the dirt and put him where he is now.” Honestly, this isn’t really their fault. Their brains have been manipulated by the men-driven society in such a way that taking pride in such cases is absolutely normal to them. It is the sort of an achievement. (Although, I really do not understand, why?!)
Jaseena Backer, a psychologist and parenting coach took upon this issue on Facebook when one day she had a conversation with her maid regarding the drinking problems of her son and how her daughter-in-law wasn’t good enough because she couldn’t get him out of it. Taken aback, Backer further questioned her maid on why she herself did not try to fix her son when he was not married. The maid replied, “Men are like raw mangoes. The wife can be good and let the mango ripen, and if the wife is bad then she will rotten the mango.” That was the rational logic for the woman.
One would think that this might be the issue of illiteracy or not being educated. But, it’s not. Also, it’s not a third-world country type of issue. The roots of this are so engraved that people often do not even realize the reason behind their actions and the consequences behind them. Even if we excuse the maid who probably hasn’t been exposed to education, how can we excuse the media? Ariana Grande, a pop singer, was hugely accused by the media after her long term boyfriend Mac Miller, a rapper, singer and a songwriter died due to drug overdose. The media, which is probably the biggest witness blamed Grande for abandoning him a few days before his death. The Grande example is just a recent one. Going back on the dusty pages of history, there are hundred more where a woman has been accused of similar issues, the split of Angelina Jolly and Brad Pitt being a very popular instance. The issue is not only limited till people and TV serials but also extends towards brands and the way they position themselves and do their branding. Example? The liquor brand, Imperial Blue, whose tagline goes “Men will be men.” No! Men won’t be men. They will be held responsible for their god damn actions!
In India, girls are literally trained from the age of sixteen or seventeen on how they should behave once they are married off. They are told about the sacrifices they should make for the benefit of their partner, they are expected to fulfill a certain number of expectations, they are advised on how to be “good wives.” And all this for what? For the prospect of an apparent better future which may or may not arrive. It is a given fact that the men can be as careless and carefree as they want, but it is the eternal responsibility of a woman to hold and bring him back.
It is high time that the dynamics should change. And maybe, they are but the pace of that growth, that change is so slow that it merely misses the naked eye. The rate is still a bit visible among the upper class and the upper middle class but it’s stagnant after that. Let’s hope we get to see the changes sooner and for the ladies who still believe in such ideas that you’re the change maker in your partner’s life, come out of that misconception! You do not have the responsibility to fix them. Don’t let the world feed you that lie. You’re not the rehabilitation centres for badly raised disorganized men.
Sources:
This Woman Explains Exactly Why Women Are Not Responsible For Badly Raised Men And She’s On Point
‘Sanskaari bahus…are NOT rehabilitation centres for badly raised men’











