18. 20 something

At 23, you will have your first job. And at 23, you will realize how beautiful that road to your school was, filled with lilies. You will remember how your grandfather would collect them for you and your little palms wouldn’t be enough to hold them. You’ll recollect all those memories and shade a tear or two and think about how your grandfather would do almost everything for you.
At 23, you will go back home to live with your parents temporarily before you join back the hustle of a bigger city, a corporate life and you’ll finally notice the bougainvillea tree beside your bedroom window. It’s been there always, you just didn’t notice.
At 23, you will realize how happy it makes your mother when you sit beside her and give her company while she gets lost amidst the obnoxious daily soaps. You will realize the happiness that your father feels inside when you gift him his favourite watch.
At 23, your favourite author, your favourite book, your favourite tracks- everything will change and so will your friends and lovers. You’ll finally be able to cut that toxic friend out of your life. You’ll finally be able to block that homophobic bloke. You’ll finally be able to stop missing your high school lover!
At 23, you’ll try to love your body and try on some dresses that you never tried before. They won’t fit but unlike last time you won’t blame yourself for that. You’ll reject the clothes, not yourself. You’ll finally buy your own make-up products instead of using your mother’s and the first time you put them, you’ll look like the clown from MacDonald’s and you’ll laugh it off. You’ll not go to bed with those chemicals on, you’ll remove them, with patience! After all, you’re adulting. You’ll get a new haircut and a hair spa instead of getting red or green highlights. You are changing!
At 23, some days you’ll complain about how the people younger than you are so annoying and how they party every weekend. But, ironically, you’ll be the one joining them the next weekend. Some other weekend, you’ll fall asleep on your hostel bed after you’ve had cheap Chinese and Old Monk.
At 23, you’ll realize what your father meant when he had said “make yourself worth it”! You’ll realize how much you actually love your parents. You’ll realize how delicious home food tastes.
At 23, you’ll realize your job is actually not the dream job you always wanted but you’ll also understand that this is just the beginning. You’ll think about how you’re always broke and you never get adequate sleep but you’ll also realize that this, right here, is life!
You will cry, you will lose, you will fall apart, you will scream until you can’t hear yourself, until you start feeling that sharp pain in your right chest, until you feel like the ground beneath you is moving and then, you’ll fly…fly to some other land to find your ground.

And then at 28, you come back to an empty apartment, decorated with your choice of things and you make a cup of tea for yourself. You sit on the couch and look around, sipping on your tea- loneliness or freedom, you decide?